***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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