i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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