we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
