dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
