We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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