Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
