i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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