i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
