Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
