I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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