im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
