are you still at the devil's house?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
