drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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