Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
