I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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