so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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