I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
