I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize