sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
