i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
love makes seman taste better
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
