dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
