you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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