So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
