Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
