So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
