just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
