Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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