DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
