Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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