My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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