I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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