It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
