that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
