so explain again why im purple
no
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
