I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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