Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
