Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish I only lived at night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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