Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
