new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
