I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
