does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize