Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
