I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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