he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
