I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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