idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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