my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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