Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
