proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
