I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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