Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize