I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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