My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
