I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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