did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
