You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
