I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
