oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
