Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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