hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
