You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
