is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
