Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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