I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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