now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
